Geriatric Celebs!

It is a weird thing about me, that though I am obsessed with most reality TV programmes I NEVER watch Celebrity Big Brother. This year might have been an exception. On account of there were no celebrities in it. Still, there were just too many old people in it. I know that all the best Celebrity BB contestants have been getting on in years, but still. If I'm going to let you be on my telly, you need to be slightly more attractive.

Strictly Slash!

A SCD slash community with no Craig/Julian?!? I am shocked. Craig/Julian were about the only reality TV pairing I could ever have feasibly been inspired to write about. Other than BB6 Anthony/Craig, of course.

Yeah, yeah, I know, Craig/Julian is just a little bit obvious and we're meant to be being subversive, but still, they had that whole cliched love/hate thing going on. I feel sad now, that I lost my single paragraph of Craig/Julian fic when I reinstalled Windows on my laptop :(

Gaucho Cricketer!

Dear British public,

Cheers.

Thank you also for keeping in Mark and Karen. Though after their amazing tango I don't think you had much choice really:

Vote Leona!

Dear British public,

Tomorrow you MUST vote for Leona to win the X Factor, for the following reasons:

1. Ray is a fraud. According to this week's Holy Moly mailout he is actually an actor aged 29 playing an innocent little boy who weeps whenever he sings of Liverpule. This cannot be allowed to continue.

2. It is high time the UK stopped its shameful record of never allowing black people to win reality shows. Look at the disgustingly early exits of Spoony and Ray from Strictly Come Dancing. Look at every series of Big Brother there has ever been. Look at Lemar coming third in Fame Academy. Where are Sinead and David Sneddon now? This cannot be allowed to continue.

3. Leona is really good at singing. Ray is not so good.

Thank you in advance,

love, JC

Elf Police!

I was on MyLot just now and I saw someone had posted about a police officer dressing up as an elf! Well this one I just had to follow up:



Hmm, not too much Christmas spirit going on there! Though I guess the objective is partly to catch those who've consumed a a little too much Christmas spirit. And any means are probably justified to keep people safe on the roads this time of year, right?

Musical Bus!

At what point did it become acceptable for teenagers to play their crappy music on their mobile phones to the entire bus?

Call me an old fogey but when I was a kid I would never have dreamt of taking my cassette player and my copy of Now 17 onto the bus with me, sitting at the back, pressing Play and inflicting it on all the other passengers. I don't remember anyone else doing that either. They would have been kicked off by the driver!

I have no idea who decided that it was now OK and that every bus you got on now has to have its very own Justin Timberlake soundtrack, but I really wish they would reconsider their decision.

Presumptuous Sprog!

Today on the Jeremy Kyle show we're going to be talking to a man who already has SIX children and, it's claimed, there's another one on the way! He DENIES that the baby his ex-girlfriend is expecting is his and wants her to have a DNA test when it's born. His ex, meanwhile, already has a daughter from her failed marriage to a GAY dancer.

No, I lied. It's not the Jeremy Kyle show, it's Eddie Murphy's life. Tomorrow, Jerry Springer, featuring Britney and Kevin.